As a single, nice guy, I'm signed up with match.com...I haven't had a lot of luck, but it has been interesting. It's also been a bit frustrating. Back in April, I emailed a woman named Jennifer who sounded really cool and was very attractive. She emailed me back. I responded. She sent me an email asking "Would you be interested in meeting for lunch or coffee sometime?" I sent her one saying that sounded great.
And never heard from her again.
I went to match.com and checked her profile. It was gone.
It's difficult enough being a single, intelligent, 32-year old guy without being teased like that. I wanted to find some way to say "Hey, what happened?" without sounding desperate, so I figured that I should have a little fun.
Unfortunately, I have no way of knowing if she ever received this, but at least I had fun.
Subject: "The Dame - A Detective Story"
Date: Wed, 01 May 2002 16:48:50 -0500
From: Clint Zehner: email@example.com
The Dame - A Detective Story
It was a dark and stormy night (okay, it was a hot and muggy morning, but that doesn't have the same ring to it) when our detective realized that he hadn't heard back from "The Dame." His sources hadn't found much, but they said she was one sharp cookie and from the photo, he could tell she was a looker. He had sent several messages and received replies including one referring to the possibility of a "meeting."
But suddenly the messages stopped.
He went to the only address he had for her (jcw78704 on match.com) only to discover that her file had been surreptitiously removed and all trace of her had disappeared. He had no other address. He had no phone number. He had no clues...or maybe just no clue.
Looking out over his desk in the smoke filled office (fine, "staring at his computer in his pollen infested office") he wondered. Like high heels dancing the flamenco on his cerebellum, he couldn't get her out of his mind. What had happened? Why was her file missing? Had she been kidnapped? Had a family emergency? Heard rumors she didn't like? Had she decided that it wasn't safe to have her file where just anyone had access? Had an old flame suddenly reappeared like some nasty rash? Or was it true what they said about the one-armed man?
The Detective had contacts who might help him find her in the den of inequity which was Austin, but they were unsavory characters and might cause further problems with the authorities which he could ill-afford given the nature of his business.
And that incident with the police chief's daughters and the hot tub full of lime jello.
He could only hope that she could find some way to contact him.
As the neon lights of the city blinked their staccato rhythm through the blinds, (I know already, they're florescent lights, get off my case and work with me here!) The Detective leaned back, put his feet up on his desk, pulled his fedora down over his eyes.